Our 2021 gold medal winning team featured four out players in our starting lineup.
The straightening up of women’s sport is an inevitable side effect of our success. As women’s rugby continues to break into the mainstream, it was simply a matter of time before our rainbow representation would fall in line with the population’s average. Just what that percentage is here in Aotearoa, remains to be seen as we all await the drop of New Zealand’s first sexuality census data in October. But to go from four out champions in 2021 to zero after Portia Woodman-Wickliffe’s retirement carries a certain shade of grief.
There will be folks for whom it will rankle that I even bring this up. What does their sexuality have to do with their sport? The answer lies within our sports community’s cliche, you need to see it to be it. And while we seem to easily grasp the positive impact of seeing strong Māori, Samoan or even small town New Zealanders succeed on the world stage, we don’t always recognise what this means for our rainbow communities.
The common experience within these sidelined groups is that their visibility is limited and often cast in a negative light. For queer folks this has been the heavy focus on stories of tragedy. The trope of Burying Your Gays, depicts our lives as nothing but hopeless. And that’s the good version. With homophobia ramping back up, we are once again being cast as perverts and pedophiles, for simply wanting people to acknowledge we exist.
So I am grieving today. That sevens’ greatest star is no longer an out queer woman. And that our national team no longer has anyone flying the rainbow flag.
Women’s sports for so long has been a safe space for rainbow communities. In many cases our codes were built by the queers. It was easier to do something out of step with societal norms when you are already living outside of them. Being called a dyke for throwing a ball around doesn’t sting the same when you are proud of that identity.
Queer women are also our most reliable audience. It doesn’t take much to convince women who love women to also love women playing sport. You only need look at the fan coverage of last year’s Football World Cup, where even the straight women were declaring their undying love for Sam Kerr.
A side note on fan etiquette here. This is something I have observed and will likely write on in more depth at some point but I need us to stop and think before posting on athletes’ content. I understand, these women are incredible but they also have to put up with an incredible amount of objectification. As women, we should be able to empathise rather perpetuate this behaviour.
The joke often made by commenters is “I’m no better than a man”. Which, in itself, is an admission that we do know better. On it’s own such a comment is harmless but coupled with a deluge of unsolicited thirst and we are at risk of playing into the predatory lesbian stereotype here.
I just think we need to remember that not all thoughts need to be public. Let’s keep some of the particularly intense ones as inside thoughts or ones shared far away from the ears and eyes of anyone involved. They are after all, just doing their job. And it’s our job as fans to be their champions, not their headaches.
We can’t rely on New Zealand Rugby for rainbow leadership. At best, their steps are still baby ones as they look to undo a legacy of harm. One of the findings out of the Black Ferns Environment Review of 2022 was that “the limited comfort and education around supporting rainbow players from Management has resulted in some decisions around couples being poorly handled.”
I’ve heard stories of these “decisions” which basically amount to management trying to break couples up. I’ve heard other stories too of players, years ago, being told they looked “too gay” for promotional activity. I’ve heard stories from people about lesbians “turning” the other players gay which just isn’t how sexuality works. And I’ve got my own stories of course, as both a player and a fan, of being made to feel less than welcome in rugby spaces.
In my experience though, that was in the wider rugby world, not the women’s rugby community. That’s my happy place, where I can freely hold my partner’s hand. As the game changes, I hope like heck this doesn’t.
When she announced her retirement, I asked Portia about what she’s learnt from living authentically as herself
In order to protect rugby’s rainbow heart, it’s up to the straights now. It’s straight women who are representing us in the Black Ferns 7s environment. So it’s straight women who need to make sure that it’s still a safe place for the queers. Same goes for the straight people who are showing up in greater numbers to fill the stands. That’s going to mean reckoning with a few things, like the privilege attached to their sexual identity and what it really means to be an ally.
While I can empathise with the frustration of people making assumptions about your sexuality based on your choice of sport, I just need you straight women to be careful. Too many times I’ve seen a response in this respect which continues to imply that being a lesbian, bisexual or any other flavour of queer is a bad thing. I can tell you from personal experience, being a lesbian is awesome. There’s a lot all women could learn from living a life that isn’t centred around men.
That assumption of queerness can be frustrating but for us queer ones, so too is an assumption of straightness. Heteronormativity sucks for everyone and that’s the part that this team needs to be careful not to perpetuate. It’s going to mean little things, like purposefully acknowledging rainbow supporters. Not labelling significant other supporters as HABs (yes I’m looking at you NZ 7s social media team). It’s going to be practical policies, like maternity leave which acknowledges not all rugby mums will carry.
If you don’t act like there’s already a queer person on your team or in the crowd (and their may well be right now, just no one out that you know of) you’re going to make it harder for a queer person to join. Harder still for a current player to come out. Rugby is a team sport and so is allyship. If we make it the job of the othered individual to make our sport safe we are all failing at the task.
A great ambassador for our rainbow communities has retired and now the real work begins. The Black Ferns Sevens team appears to be straight. It’s up to those wearing the black jersey now to make sure that they don’t also appear to be narrow. And that they continue to represent the best of what our game can be.
With you,
Alice